Language class today….

I was very tired last night so I went to bed early. However my sleep was disrupted around 9pm by my puppy, who, it turns out was barking at his own shadow in the glass panes beside the door.  Then again he woke me up at 1:38 and 4:35 to go outside…which I am glad for; because it meant two less messes to clean up off the floor, two less messes to accidently step in when the lights are out. However these interruptions left me feeling very tired…especially during Spanish class this afternoon. I would have much rather curled up on the couch with a quilt and had a nap….not have to think in Spanish.

I found today’s class very difficult. Nothing was registering. My brain was just not firing.  At least in the second half of the class. Maybe it was because I was so tired…too tired to focus.  I felt like I was in a fog as I gave my teacher a blank stare.  I wanted to quit and say “I can’t do this!” while on the brink of tears.  I felt frustrated with myself, not knowing the answer to any of the questions. There were new words that I had not seen before that needed to go in the blanks to complete the sentences. Twenty three of them!  And I am suppose to know what they mean, speak it rapidly and put the correct ending on them? “One day it will click, a light will come on and it will get easier” our teacher told us. How I wished it were today. Because today I really felt like I was in the dark.  I really do want to be able to communicate effectively here; fluently. Not always having to reply “no entiendo” or  that I only know a little Spanish. The truth is I DO know a lot; many, many words but I can’t spit the right words with the right endings out fast enough! I guess I am a little discouraged about it. Discouraged that today was a struggle for me.

I don’t want to end this on a depressing note. Much as I might feel like it right now in this moment; I am not giving up on Spanish because of one day that didn’t go so well!   One day it will come! One day all that I learned today WILL register. Right now it might seem like it is taking forever to learn and grasp a hold of….but there will come a day that it will…and what a happy day that will be!