I am not even sure where to begin with this post, but I guess if I just start to write the story of this morning…it will pour out. Hopefully after reading this no one hates me, because we all want to be accepted, right? But today, I’m exposing my heart for what is was and confess the attitude of my heart needed an adjustment. And I guess that all of us have done things or not done things we should have done and then regretted it later.
It was around 7:00am and I was taking the dog for a walk. The jefe of the watchman stopped me to give Abby a pat on the head. He also told me that she should have a shirt on because it was chilly outside. I didn’t think it was that cold, but the mornings have been fresh lately.
After we were finished our walk and I passed under the guard rail, two of the guards sat on the curb. Both were wearing their jackets. One of them even had a hat. The other one spoke to me after I said “hasta pronto”. He told me that they wanted to me to bring them a regalo de cafe. I didn’t think that I heard right..for one I had never heard it worded like that before…a gift of coffee..so I said “Como?” And again, he repeated what I thought he said, and I continued across the road and acted like I didn’t understand.
However inside I was kind of fuming. I was thinking how it was rude of him to ask me to bring him coffee…and that something like that would not happen in Canada. But in Canada, how many people have a guard outside their neighbourhood? See, to back up a little, over the course of the three years we have lived here, I have occasionaly bought the guards a coke, paleta (popsicle) or brought them home made goodies. It is not something I make a habit of doing…just once in a while. So, I guess it made me a little mad that now it is an expectation brought on by none other than myself that I will give them stuff….when I had just wanted to bless them at the time. So, yeah, I was mad at him for expecting me to bring them coffee…Maybe I set myself up for it.
And then I felt God speak into the attitude of my heart. It was like he was saying “Carolyn, serioulsy…it’s a cup of coffee” And I saw my heart for what it was at that moment…exposed and ugly . How hard would it have been to add a little extra water and coffee grounds into the coffee maker? How hard would it have been to pour the hot coffee into two paper cups and walk across the road with it? How hard would it have been to give the two men that have been pulling a 24 hour shift, while sitting outside the whole time with really no way to get warm when the there is a chill in the air….a cup of stinkin’ coffee? Meanwhile, while they work to keep that neighborhood safe; a neighboorhood they allow me freely walk in even though I don’t actually live in it. Because you know what? Looking back at them sitting on the curb… they they did look cold. I’d like to say I listened to the voice of the Holy Spirit, but sadly, I was stubborn and ignored the promptings upon my heart.
The bible talks about the heart though doesn’t it?
The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked, who really knows how bad it is? Jer 17:9 NLT
Wasnt it just this week that I was reading in 1 Peter about loving others and practicing hospitality? And again in Romans 12:13?
1 Peter 4: 8
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.”
So I end this by saying how deeply I regret not doing what I knew I should have done. I feel kind of raw and broken about it actually…because these two guards are good people. I talk to them all the time. I know their names. No harm was meant by the request. I can still see me walking away from them sitting on that curb…cold and wanting coffee….
Psalm 139:23; 24 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if thee is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh..” Oh, God let it be so!