Today I feel like I am coming undone. I need to step back and take a deep breath and pray. My emotions are getting the best of me I think.
Changes are happening and they are happening fast.
I was feeling frustrated this morning with the little daycare girl who refused to listen. Heading to the park, she would not sit in the wagon. Instead she sat on the outside edge of the wagon. If she happened to lean back, she would fall to the ground and be hurt. I repeatedly put her back in the wagon.
At one time I looked behind me and she was doing some sort of yoga like pose. Her little right food and right arm on the floor of the wagon and her left arm and leg extended high in the air….while I am pulling the wagon! I wanted to pull my hair out but she thought it was great fun.
Then when we arrived back at the house and it was time to put her on the potty, I discovered that she messed her pants. My goodness. I could have cried! Oh how she tried my patience today!
But, you know what? Even though sometimes the kids have bad days, ( who of us does not!) days where they don’t listen or do the opposite of what you want, I am going to miss them. Each and every one.
I spend five days a week with them and the good times far out weigh the days where I can’t wait for them to go home and the day to be over.
They are hilarious and make me laugh, and smile. I love watching them change and grow, try new things and accomplish them. They love to do crafts and show them off to their mommies. They all have a place in my heart.
I was taking apart the play house today and was flooded with memories of when we bought that cute house and how much the children have enjoyed playing in it. Now it sits in pieces in my basement ready to go to a new home where I am sure the kids there will enjoy it just as much,
Little by little our home is emptying out as we sell and clear out our home even more.
We have to be out the end of June as after listing it on Kijiji and being inundated with calls…we rented it out for the first of July. I am finished with my home based daycare on June 27.
As of July 1st we will be living in Kitchener. We have a three bedroom apt we will be staying in until we leave for Honduras. Our goal is July 25th.
Reality is hitting home. We really don’t have a lot of time left. Yet when I look around my house I see so much that needs to be done and taken care of. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t stress me out a little.
There are goodbyes that I don’t want to happen.
Family…that goes without saying. They will no longer be a half hour drive away.
The daycare kids, my friend Kathy that comes over once a week for coffee and prayer, Katherine who I text or talk to several times a week, my Tuesday nights with Deana, Grace…all of our walks over the past five years, my neighbours, my wonderful church family, and my sweet fur babies. But I know that final coffee, final text message, final walk around the neighbourhood will happen…it’s only a matter of time now that we have to say “Goodbye”
Just the other day Elisa was crying at the thought of not seeing her friends anymore. She got off the phone with Caelyn and said through her tears “Mommy, I am going to miss her so much. I am never going to get to hang out with her or go to the mall with her. I am not going to see her anymore”
It broke my heart to hear her raw emotions.
In the month ahead, I know that all of us are going to have days where we are sad, days where we will fly off the handle (me!) There will be days where we feel frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed and discouraged or stressed. At the same time excited and a bit scared! There will be days where we feel our emotions swirling around inside as we turn the page and begin a new chapter.
A month or ago so I read this in my devotional.
“No desire will ever be placed in you by the Holy Spirit unless he intends to fulfill it. So let your faith rise up and soar away to claim all the land you can discover” S.A. Keen.
See, God hasn’t brought us this far to leave us! He is still in control and He will be with us each step of the way. Of that I have no doubt.
Even though we may be dealing with different emotions…it doesn’t change the fact that Honduras is exactly where we are meant to be. All of us are on the same page with that. We still are very much excited to go!
Lift up your eyes from where you are and look to the north, the south, the east and west. All the land you see I will give to you.