I don’t know why I did not move that Sunday morning in the Spanish church when the Pastora asked those who needed healing to come forward for prayer.  How I wanted to.  Desperately. And yet I just stood there, stubborn feet planted on the floor.  Fear of disappointment perhaps. Not wanting to go alone.  The language barrier as I’m not entirely fluent. What if they can’t understand my Spanish? And maybe not truly believing healing will come for me. Although I definitely believe our God heals. I have prayed for others without a doubt in my heart believing healing will come. I’ve seen it in my own life when I was healed at six years old of epilepsy.  I’ve seen both my parents healed from cancer.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy. Honestly when it comes down to having a chronic or “invisible” illness I actually get kind of tired of explaining things.  However I  do want to share some honest thoughts that have been on my mind and heart lately.   I realize that I have a tendency to overshare what I am thinking in different situations. That being said, many people know how for years (10 plus)I have struggled with chronic illness. Sometimes I just get weary of asking for prayer when nothing ever seems to change.  It can feel hopeless.  There are times I feel hindered from doing what I know God has called me to do. I  don’t like disappointing people and feeling I can’t fully committ to something just incase I have one of my flu-like sick days. The reality is that those days are just so frequent and unpredictable.

God knows my heart in this. It’s no surprise to him that sometimes I get discouraged by unanswered prayer, and how I get tired of asking just to be healed and feel like giving up. So I stop asking. And yet at the same time I know I am not ever alone in this. He has been so faithful in my life and I know He is with me even in the midst of my doubts. However, I don’t believe for a moment that sickness is His will for my life. That is a lie that the enemy would have me to believe. In this post I just want to share what I believe God has been showing  me recently and I am trying to live out. One moment at a time.

I was doing my homework for a Beth Moore Bible study called the Quest when I read these verses in Matthew. They are popular verses but this time I saw how they applied to my life in my situation and how God was reminding me that it wasn’t a negative thing to keep asking for prayer for healing.  In a way, it kind of wrecked me. I mean really it is one of my hearts greatest desires to be completely whole and healthy.  It was almost  like God was saying “why do you want to give up?”  It’s ok to continue asking!! So of late, my prayer has been..”Lord, help my unbelief!”

Matthew 7:7 Keep on asking,  and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find.  Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks the door will be opened.

In other words, be persistant, don’t  give up.

The theme this year of the Spanish church we attend is based on Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Change the way you think. Change the way you live.

I got thinking about this verse. Just how do you transform how you think?  By reading the Bible and declaring it’s truth over your life. If there is a lie you are believing, find a scripture to combat that lie with.  Memorize it. Maybe write it on index card and post them where you can see them and be reminded daily. Even say them out loud and in your heart believe them to be true over your life.

So if I constantly have the thought pattern that that I am always going to be sick, and that it’s hopeless and if live with the expectation of being sick..NOTHING ever will change. I need to change my mind set and believe Him at His word. Believe that His plans for me are good. And that with Him ALL things are possible, even though Dr’s have said I just have to live with it. God has the final word.

In the devotional that I am doing on Youversion I read about how in Matthew 8 there was a man with leprosy who wanted to be healed. He told Jesus that if he was willing he could heal him and make him clean.  Jesus response to him was ” I am willing. Be healed!”  I don’t think there was ever an instance in the Bible where someone specifically asked Jesus to be healed where he turned them away and denied them. Although, I do know that His answer to us when we pray for certain things may not always be yes. Sometimes it is no, or wait. Sometimes we have to wait a very long time. I am reminded of Abraham and Sarah waiting til they were 100 and 90 to see the promise of a son. To think that Abraham never doubted that what God had promised would come to pass. Talk about believing for the impossible!

John 8:32 And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free

Matthew 21:22 And if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

We can remember that God is for us. (Romans 8:31) Nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37) He is faithful to his promises. 2 Corinthians 1:20, Genesis 28:17. Romans 4:20,21 Hebrews 10:23. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.( Hebrews 13:8)

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

Remember, God can do more than what we ask or imagine!

Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us.

So how about you? Are there lies that you are believing about yourself or your circumstances? Maybe for you it isn’t your health. Maybe it is something else. Finances? Job situation? Future?  I encourage you to find your Bible and look up verses that counter those lies with truth, write them down. Memorize them. And begin to change the way you think.

The power of our thoughts determines our destination—-Havilah Cunnington

 

 

 

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