And just like that, he was gone… one final hug… one last goodbye. Off to Canada to begin this next chapter in his life. All his earthly possessions in an 85 pound hockey bag, carry on and backpack.
My eyes have been like a faucet and I have not been able to control the tears. (Except today when we were teaching Bible classes.) My heart has been aching and all of a sudden without warning the tears start flowing again. It’s been a rough couple of days to say the least. I miss him and his calming presence in our home. Dale summed it up well when he said he felt lost.
The years have been flashing before me with so many memories of years gone by, like a movie playing little snippets here and there. They’ve gone by way too fast. In a way I feel like we did not have enough time. We didn’t have as many years as most parents have with their kids before they move on to college, because of the fact that our kids are adopted, and I never knew what he was like as a baby.
I still remember the day he walked into our home as a rambunctious almost three year old. Blue eyes and curly blonde hair. He’s always had a sweet nature. Compasionate, kind, and thoughtful of others. A peacemaker. A loyal friend. A sensitive soul. He feels things deeply. He has an amazing heartfelt laugh! He has kept us in stitches over the years and we have a few sayings in our family that came from him first. Things like, “How did that get there?” And “Wait…where are we going?”
He loves the Lord and has a calling on his life. He has a love for adventure, the outdoors, sports and running. Every time he would set out for a run here in Honduras I would always say “Be careful.” This is Honduras after all and he is obviously North American. He would tell me to relax or something and say that no Honduran would mess with him because he was so big compared to them. I would say that he was no match for a gun. And God did watch over him despite my worrying. I think Ben would have died inside if he could not be active and had to be caged inside the house all the time like a prison, and God knew that.
He is our child who in the beginning did not want to come to Honduras and in the end did not want to leave, even though he has so much to look forward to in Canada. Things like Bible college, Starbucks and a special friendship.
I am so very, very proud of him. Dale and I love him so very much. Yet being a mom, I am struggling with letting go and worrying about whether he will find a job this summer to have money to buy food and other necessities. I worry about how he will transition in a culture so dfferent from Honduras, the place he has called home for the past five years.
I still remember the heartbreak of when Jacob transitioned and how hard it was to send him off on his own when he too didn’t want to leave and I remember watching him struggle from a far and being helpless to do anything. I know I need to fret less and pray more.
And yet at the same time, I am excited for Ben as he begins the next chapter in life and pursues what God has called him to do. I look forward to seeing how God works out his plan for his life as he heads to Bible College in the fall. Who knows. Maybe one day he will find himself back in Honduras, a country close to his heart.